


you're not breaking me

by thearcherballet



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mention of Ginny, Pining, Runaway Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 05:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4292256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thearcherballet/pseuds/thearcherballet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean needs to go back home.<br/>That's hard to do when home is in the arms of the boy he loves (and he's running away from ministry officials).</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're not breaking me

**Author's Note:**

> just a little something for deamus week @ the hpshipweeks blog... title taken from tori kelly’s Unbreakable Smile

He rarely has time to himself these days.  This whole runaway wizard thing has taken a toll on him.  Yesterday, he looked at his reflection on the water from the river they were sleeping by, and noticed more frown lines than he’d ever seen on any almost (? he doesn’t even know what day it is anymore) 18 year-old. 

He wished it had been because of NEWT-related stress, not because of the fact that he was fearing from his life and didn’t know how to fight properly.  The DA’s lessons have served him great out here, but if hit wizards or ministry officials had ambushed him in the middle of the night... He couldn’t take that chance.

This journey had made him rethink if he was in fact as much of a Gryffindor as he’d once thought.

_Don’t be daft, Dean, you’re worth more than all the Gryffindors in all of history combined, y’know._

He really didn’t need the memory of him right now. It was enough as it is that whenever he went to sleep, his face clouded his dreams and nightmares. 

Dean’s made a lot of mistakes in his life, but breaking his heart was what worried him most.  He’s imagined all sorts of scenarios, the ones in which Seamus never wants to speak to him again or even see him, those were the worst ones.

He’ll never be good enough, he’s tried and tried, but he always seems to fuck it up somehow.  He doubts his running away would ever count a chivalrous move in Seamus’ head.

No, Dean knows he’d understand.  He always does. He understood when he joined the DA despite him doubting Harry and Dumbledore’s claims, he stood by him when they decided to support Harry in the Triwizard Torunament, he’d moved on when he rejected his invitation to the Yule Ball, and even gave him smiles that Dean knew were strained at the edges. Time and time again, he’d gone along with Dean, jumping off cliffs together with his eyes closed, without even knowing if the water at the bottom would be deep enough for them.

But he was afraid this would be where he’d draw the line.  

That didn’t mean he couldn’t have fever dreams of Seamus receiving him with open arms and a loud yell when, or if, they’d reunite once more.

If he’d grasp at every piece of Dean’s body to examine if he was still in one piece. Seamus would do that.

Yeah, he would. 

Splashing the water to wash his grimy hands, he shook his head, as if by doing so he could shake away the thought of Seamus, that by washing himself the memories of his soft white hands tracing the lines of his darker arms.

He can’t afford to think like this.  But he’s tried to keep it locked, the only thought he was allowed to have nowadays _I need to survive_.

That thought could keep him going.  Dean needed to keep going. If only to go back to him.  He could do that.

Go back to him and finally be able to love him completely as he should be loved.  As much as Seamus has loved him when he was to dumb to notice, to recognize it for what it was. That drunken Irish kisses still meant Seamus-kisses underneath the taste of cinnamon from his preferred Firewhiskey.  That whispered promises in the dead of night of never-ending loyalty were still vows in his own heart.

He sighed as these thoughts threatened from the past day to overwhelm him again.

_He can’t afford to think like this._  Yet it’s the only thing helping him keep a level head.

_You can do this. You can come back to me._

He smiles to himself. He might not have Gryffindor courage with him, but he has Gryffindor loyalty.  At least, loyalty to Seamus.

That could be enough.


End file.
